I happen to come across this picture today ( Photo Cred: http://www.bymariandrew.com) and it really tugged at my heart. I truly didn’t plan to blog today, but I had to blog about this.
I think we carry on with life without the realization of the struggles that others try to push through knowing they are sad or in pain. I am not talking about going through a day not getting flowers and candy and being reminded that yes you are single such as on a day like Valentine’s Day. I am talking about going through the day such as Mother’s Day and being reminded of one or more of the real challenges and struggles that women as well as men, are reminded of today and every day.
To those who have their mothers present, I hope you cherish
not only today but every day that your mother gave birth to you, nurtured you, took care of you, wiped your tears, listened, gave you advice, spanked you out of love, the tough love, the times she told you no, protects you, has your back, held you in her arms, laughs and cries with you, supports you, sings with you, dances with you, provides for you, yells at you, cleaned after you, and so on. These are memories to cherish day after day while she is present on this earth.
There will be a time that she leaves this earth.
So to the ones that have lost their mothers, I cannot imagine the hurt and pain. I cannot fathom what you feel day in and day out knowing you cannot call her, see her, and touch her again. I hope you are strong and keeping the faith. I hope you smile when you think of her. I hope you can hear the faint of her laugh. I hope you have picked up some of her skills/habits and motherly advice. I hope you have something symbolic to remember her by. I hope somehow on this Mother’s day, that you found happiness and joy by thinking of the great memories you shared with her. She will always want you to be happy.
Closure is hard.
So to those who are not speaking to their mothers or are on bad terms. I will repeat this again, closure is hard. I hope somehow you can make amends. No matter how big or small the hurt it is. Forgiveness can seem impossible. But she is still here. Present. I hope you can be the bigger person and reach out to her while you still have your mother. I hope you can search for her if the streets is her choice of living. I hope you can help her. Or if nothing else tell her you love her. Maybe that’s all she needs to hear. That small argument could be a final goodbye. Stubbornness can lead to regrets. I know what you’re going to say. It isn’t easy. She threw me out of the house or she gave me away. Or I hate her. Or perhaps she let him beat me up or rape me.
Healing starts with forgiveness. Easy said than done. Anger that lies deep within the soul will design or inherit some of the traits of the one who hurt you. I don’t know how much I believe in that statement. To some aspect it is true. I know some women are being everything their mothers weren’t to them. Keep pressing forward. And stay strong if you can.
Those women who have chosen not to be mothers. I sway back in forth from this myself. Here’s why. It’s a choice. It’s ok to feel as if you don’t think you are fit to be a mother. You are motherly in somebody’s eyes especially if you are an Aunt or perhaps a God Mother. People call this choice selfish. And that’s ok. The tolerance, the cost, the patience for children is a lot to think about. But sometimes you have to think beyond that. To hear the sound of someone calling you mom would be everything. To be able to speak life to a small mini you and watch them grow into something you created, is life. To know you gave birth to life and are ABLE to give birth to life should be taken into consideration to those who cannot.
So to women that yearn to be a mother. If you have tried and tried and tried and you just cannot get pregnant. I hope you just relax and just have fun. Stop trying. Since when are babies planned? Have a lot of sex and have a lot of fun.
Those women who are just simply looking for a relationship to have a family and yearn to be a mother. You are not on a time clock. Now and days women are having children at 50 years old. I hope you are taking the time to find a significant and suitable husband so that you can have the family you yearn for. No judgment here if freezing your eggs or going to a clinic are choices you want to make.
To men who have to play mother and father. Those are huge shoes to fill. Times will be hard as you already know. But your kids will be thankful for you each and every day for reminding them of who they are. And you may not be able to cook like mom, or tell stories like mom, but your love will be unconditional, like mom.
Those women who suffer from infertility and miscarriages, my heart goes out to you. There are no words to those who long to be a mother and cannot be. That’s a pain that cannot always be covered by adoption. I wish people would stop telling people that. It’s insensitive. And I understand the option. There are millions of children without homes. But to give birth to one of your own flesh and blood, the experience of pregnancy, child and labor cannot be replaced by the words adopt or surrogate. This experience is what makes us WOMEN. It makes us whole. Somehow, some way I hope you find peace. I am thinking of you. And praying for you.